You are all I need


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Das is ein text den ich fürs jahrbuch schreiben sollte nachm abi

I remember the night before my first day of high school perfectly. I was excited, confused, happy and even sad because I was leaving some of the greatest times and friends behind. I remember my dad sitting me down next to him and telling me that these upcoming years were going to be the best ones of my life. I remember my mom making me lunch and how she went crazy looking for more food to pack it with. Most of all, I remember my brother rolling his eyes at my excitement and despite every feeling of doubt, I forced myself to believe he meant nothing by it and that this was going to be perfect. I woke up that morning feeling the nerves of someone sentenced to death. What an exhausting day it was and I went to bed, that night, such a happy little 9 year old girl.

I remember the last day of grade 5 just as precisely because I remember understanding why my brother rolled his eyes at me earlier on that year. There was no more lining up at the bell, no more playing with barbies, no more ball games or lunch monitoring. There was no room for innocent childish behaviour and worst of all, it was to be replaced by drama and self detructive administrations.

Throughout the years, I found myself. I developed my own taste in music instead of following my brother's and made tons of new friends based on freshly discovered common interests. I developed character because I was forced to. I realized no one is as nice as the fairies in my kindergarden books and that in order to benefit from this experience, I need to break away from every clan or 'clic' or whatever you want to call it and pave my own path. I, one of the lucky ones, realized at an early age that this was all a game and the sooner I broke the rules and played by my own, the happier I was going to be at the end of it all and that's exactly what I did. The more the basics of life started to fade out and the more I reinforced them within myself. No one cared what colour shoes you had, or what brand your T-Shirts were. No one critized the way you decided to spend your lunch breaks and no one hated you for being too nice. No one judged you unless you openly did something bad to a classmate and crying was considered a normal thing. Teachers were like friends and you were all equally chubby and if not, it's because you didn't stop for a snack in between soccer. If you notice, it was a much happier time then. Suddenly every little thing became important. Everything a person would do was monitored and than blabbed about and exagerated to someone else. Everything you said was now twisted to make it sound like you were trying to say something else. You lost friends to drugs. People changed because of pressure and critizism. Best friends backstabbed each other, good students abandoned their studies because they were told it wasn't important anymore. Suddenly, everything positive that should've been appreciated was overlooked, and every negative aspect about life was reinforced. Everywhere you turned you saw ending rienships or hopeless cases. AND FOR WHAT? So you can say in 9 years from now that you 'enjoyed' your life? Was that really enjoying your life? Being soo blitzed you couldnt walk up the stairs properly, making some poor guy's life a living hell, corrupting some innocent girl's ambitions, dissapointing your parents and most importantly yourself - over and over again til you finally gave up and just dropped out all together?

However, I have to say. My schooltime saved my life. As much as I love those days when I got hurt and was proud to show it off because I got to say I did it on a jungle gym, I needed to see that getting hurt wasn't always a joke. You realize more in your schooltime than you'll ever realize at any other point in your life. Without every every event gone wrong, every fight, hug, laugh, cry, every moment I spent in agony or in bliss made it possibe for me to be who I am today. For every rumor that was made up about me, I sought the company of those who knew me enough not to believe a word otherwise. For every fight, I appologized, even if it wasn't my fault because I believed in peace and I know everyone makes mistakes. For every wrongful accusation, I stood up for myself and argued til I was blue in the face because no one deserves to be walked on. For every flaw discovered in someone else, I saw 2 good qualities. My shoulder was always wet from tears and the time I spent talking about others mostly revolved around admiring them. I had my moments, like anyone else, but I realized they were ridiculous and tried my best to change them. All those moments are over now. I've lived them, learned from them, I probably wouldn't do it over again but i'm happy it happened.

I'll be crying at the end of it all. Not because i'll miss these people. Not because it was such a blast. I'll be crying because of how happy I am to be leaving with something more than just my leaving certificate. I'll be crying because I threw other people's standards in the garbage. I'll be crying because I realize that i was lucky to have thought the way I did considering my surroundings. I'll be crying for those who have ambition and how they managed to keep it so strong during high school. For those who didn't break under pressure. For those who were selfless and made a difference in someone's life because of it. For everyone who made these years a little less sucky for someone like me. I’ll be missing all those beautiful moments and I’LL be leaving all those unecessary hard times behind and starting a new life using what they've thaught me. I'll be crying tears of joy.

It was unforgetable guys. A million thanks to everyone who joined me in dancing and singing in the hallways. To everyone who made me laugh when I didn't think it was possible. Anyone who said 'scheiss drauf' and just did what they felt was right. Thank you infinately to those who were never afraid to be themselves around me and more than thanks for letting me ramble on all the time and pick at your brain. As for me, well I don't really know actually. I don't know where I'll be in 5 years from now and I like it that way. Maybe I'll still be the same, maybe I'll be different. Hopefully I'll take with me what I've learned during these beautifully years.

The best of luck to ALL graduants. No matter what you do or where you are, I sincerely hope you're happy with whatever it is and the best piece of advice I can ever give someone would be never to forget the basics in life. The ones that were reinforced when we were little-er. You'll find listening to your heart especially useful, it seems to inspire the right answers a lot quicker than taking the mind's way out.


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